August 1, 2010

Settling in...

Good day/bad day?: Both

First, a thank you to my wonderful Ben for that last post. I can't imagine what it's like to be in his shoes because I have a hard enough time figuring out what it's like to be in mine. He didn't do or say one wrong thing, is in there with it right in his face and just changing the dressings, helping me wash my hair, etc. without batting an eyelash.

I kind of feel the same way, but that's because I don't think I believe it yet. I can look in the mirror and look down at myself and intellectually know what's happened, but I don't think I know it's not going to be undone yet. I'm sure a lot of this journey will be like that. I'll just keep moving forward, a bit incredulous and maybe a bit in denial. We'll see.

All in all, I'm doing much better than I expected, having less pain, more mobility. For the nurses in the audience, I have 3 JP drains that I can manage myself, and my suture lines are covered with steri-strips and don't really need anything over them. Not as involved as I imagined. The mobility changes and loss of feeling and sensation are what I don't think you can anticipate, throughout the front of my chest, into my armpits and down the back of my arms. Pins & needles doesn't do it justice, but it's different than pain. Weird.

Struggling already with not being able to hold Olive. I can sit at the table and feed her, and hug her somewhat, but the rest is limited. This is going to be an extra long recovery...

Special thanks to my MIL Kathy for doing everything and trying to make it sound like you're enjoying it!

3 comments:

Joiner of Fine Furniture said...

So, Ben is a keeper..??

Sonja said...

I am picturing you wanting desperately to hold Olive! Don't know if this helps but I thought of another thing you can do with her that doesn't require holding - you can kiss each of her little toes and fingers!

mia said...

Thinking about you so much...