August 17, 2010

NFAQs

Good day/Bad day?: Turned south

First of all, happy official birthday to my lovely husband! I know, I know, you will never be as old as me!

Worked a full day today, which was fine overall but I quickly lost steam afterward. It was nice because I got some more clarification on where I can focus my energy in the near future, but the bad thing is that it made me think about the near future.

I'm just realizing I'm at this point where I feel I should be getting back to the usual routine, doing what I used to do, etc. Then I go to use my arms and realize I can't for a while, and that even as my arm strength will recover, the rest of me will be dealing with chemo. It's hard feeling when you know your brief normalcy is going to end in a week and a half--I've been able to forget pretty well most days that I had cancer and that's what got me into this mess.

Speaking of my arms, I'm getting nervous because I'm realizing how tight and immobile I am. I thought I was doing enough daily movement with my activity even when I didn't do the official exercises religiously, but I think that spells trouble. I'm hoping to work out of it in the next days, and if not I'll seek some PT. Keep your fingers crossed.

So the title today is about a couple of things (the N is for "not"). One thing that I wasn't even asked but offered to a couple of people today was if they wanted to see my scars (b/c they asked if anyone else was asking and I took it further). So no, nobody's asked to see my surgery (except we will post blog pics as soon as Ben & I get up to date). BUT, it's okay with me. If anyone's curious, esp those I know who have a lot of medical curiosity (like me!) and just have no idea what's under my shirt or what the healing's been like, ask. My scars/incisions have been doing very well and the surgeon did a great job with her "smooth" goal.

Another thing I wanted to say is that, for starters, I want everyone who's been reading this and giving me feedback in person or online to know that I'm really appreciative of your interest and support. There aren't usually many comments here, which is fine, so it's nice to hear I'm not always just doing it for my own benefit--that feels a little self-indulgent sometimes. That said, while I don't want anyone to feel compelled to comment, I do feel that this can be a 2-way conversation! I'm happy if people have questions and will answer them unless I really don't want to that day (or ever). There are no "off-limits" questions. I know I am not the only one dealing with cancer in their life or the life of someone they love, so being useful in what I say would make me feel good, too.

So there's my two cents. I'll be interested what comes my way now...

7 comments:

viktorcello said...

OK, so I have to admit that I was tempted to run over and ask you to lift your shirt yesterday, but social graces would not let me even get out of my chair. AND, please do know you have several regular readers. I sometimes think people either don't want to put their comments here to be "public" or don't know what to say or don't know HOW to post a comment (even though you've tried to help; it's still intimidating). BTW, LOVE your haircut. So cute. Hate mine. Looks like I tried to copy you and fabulously failed. Oh well. See ya around!

Monika said...

I think you've done such an amazing job with this blog. Whether you realize this or not, it takes courage to be so honest about how you're coping with all of this. I very much admire you for that. And, for so many other things, dear Jenny Jenny. I read your blog every day, although I rarely comment. I'll try to do better. Alright, now let's see that cute haircut!!

Jen said...

No, no, don't worry about commenting just to comment! I just want people to ask questions if they have them, share insight, etc. No pressure. I just want to be sure that everyone knows this doesn't have to be my one-way therapy...

Ben said...

Quit being so pushy! Geez.

Joiner of Fine Furniture said...

Is it time for a viewing of WaterWorld..??

Sonja said...

@ Jenny's blog: Yes, thanks for the show & tell!

Kathy said...

I agree with Jenny--more comments makes it seem less like a vacuum.

I've been hearing a lot of fear from my wonderful DIL about the future lately--this is something I've never seen from Jenny before...Just because it's the big CA and chemo is a big unknown doesn't mean you can't live each moment and each day on its own. A thousand deaths and much preparation in anticipation is torture best reserved for the annual viewing of Waterworld. For now, arm exercises are the focus along with enjoying the better energy you have. Save the chemo for when the chemo actually starts. I hope the last weeks have shown you that you'll be surrounded by folks who will help you get to the other side of chemo, who will wrap their arms around you and make sure it's as good as it gets. For now, live each day without worry for the ones to come and no more slacking on the arm exercises. xo MIL