August 2, 2010

Rough around the edges, green around the gills...

Good day/Bad day?: Little bad

I was getting a little ahead of myself not really feeling "sick" since I've been home, but today was a different beast. Not dramatically so, but I was a little paler than the last few days. I was sick to my stomach for the first time since the hospital and a little nauseous throughout the day, and taking the nausea meds made me sleepier. Good thing Olive was in day care or I would have felt worse about not playing with her. I felt bad enough having Kathy fly through the house with her chore list and actually take on mopping the laundry room!

Speaking of Olive, I'm feeling a little weird because she's starting to react less to me, look for hugs less, be soothed by me less. Maybe it's my imagination, but I'm feeling a change. If so, she's doing what she needs to do and gravitating to the people who can do more caregiving, but I wonder what it'll be like in however many weeks when I'm able to get back in there. Will it come back easily, or will she fight me? Luckily, she's pretty easy-going when it comes to new people, 'cause this shouldn't have to be hard on both of us...

Tomorrow evening will be a changing of the guard with Kathy leaving and Mary coming. Good luck, Mary! Kathy's written 3 pages of "things to know", i.e. Jenny's "way" of doing things that makes me feel more high-maintenance than I thought I was (most of it daughter-related). At least Ben seemed surprised that there was that much to warn people about!

So, how am I doing? I'm feeling pretty schlumpy today and wondering when I'll feel fit to go back out in public again, hiding from the world in my p.j.s. I'm reading more about the cancer, which I need to do for my own satisfaction, but it also makes me walk ahead to the chemo part of things and start to get scared. One step at a time.

On the plus side, got a cookie bouquet (thanks, Sue!) and goodies from Ben's grandma, including fudge--yay! Here's hoping the stomach's better tomorrow.

I'm wondering if people want to see my chest or if that would freak them out. Should we do voting? I almost want to post a picture so that the surprise is gone... I'll think about it, and feel free to give your feedback. Goodnight!


Joiner of Fine Furniture said...

I hated it when people asked to see my "zipper" after my surgery a million years ago. I also felt like distributing pictures to end the curiosity. I was also afraid that others would be offended by my 20 cm scar. It did pass though.

WARNING - Kathy likes to write..!!

I am intriqued by your statement, Jenny, earlier in this blog about whether or not you can go topless now. See, already new options are surfacing.

ee said...

If it empowers you to show photos, makes it feel real, normalizes it, etc...I say go for it. I have a nurse side of me that is really interested in that kind of thing, so I would like to see it. But, I also respect that it is a personal thing and you need to do what's good for you. That's what I think!

Ben said...

I made a little poll (to the right) to help decide about the pictures.

If you saw the way that Olive tries to crawl all over her mom, you would know that their connection is not in any jeopardy. Only a few more weeks dear, and you'll have as much Olive as you can handle.

Jolene said...

This has been the first time that I had the opportunity to review your blog. I believe I looked at it from the start to the current, however, I am not very computer savvy. Your blog is awesome, thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. Jenny your are an inspiration to all of us, and Ben too! It is amazing the curve balls that life sends our ways to deal with. Olive will learn love, strength, endurance, kindness, respect and just how to be an awesome girl from mommy and daddy. I am wishing for you that your pain gets less each and everyday, and that your nausea subsides, so that you can eat those sweet treats that I know you love! As far as the question regarding showing a pix of your non boobs, I agree with ee.....I am not sure how the non medical readers may react though. I am so sorry I missed your birthday, I didn't know. I will start to keep up now that I am in tune with your blog. 35........that is great, you have a lot of living yet to do. I will call when I see you are feeling a little better. Take care good care, as I know you will. I know you have a wonderful ANGEL looking over you.........L-Jolene

Anonymous said...

I'd be totally interesting in seeing a picture if you are willing to share, too. Like ee, I've got a "nurse side".

It broke my heart to read the stuff you wrote about it feeling like Olive is pulling away. I am telling you that just so you know you're not alone in feeling that's a very sad thing if that is indeed what is happening.

I admire that you don't let yourself "walk ahead" too much. I couldn't to that. I always try to "jump to the end". Thank you for this blog and for sharing.

Kristin S.

Joiner of Fine Furniture said...

Good words Ben. There is plenty of Olive to go around.

Jenny, patience, healing takes time and needs to not be inturrupted by activity.

Deirdre said...

I keep trying to post and can't seem to figure it out! I'll try again!
No one should be offended if you post a picture - you can give a parental warning at the top for the squeamish of heart. And if you do, maybe I'll be inspired to post the same!

It was great seeing you this weekend, though I had every intention of NOT seeing you - surprised to see you at the door. Looking beautiful and well despite how you feel today. You're on my mind all the time, I check your posts daily, and am forever amazed by you.
Keep well, and keep hanging in there!
Love you -

Deirdre said...

OOH - I did it!

Jim said...

Olive is always going to want her mommy--no worries there dear!