July 14, 2010

If I only knew

Good day/bad day?: Good day.

Things went along pretty well today--normal work day, a little more tired than usual when I got home. Then I was giving Olive her bedtime bottle--she was really sleepy, barely opened her eyes through the diaper and PJs--and she just opened her eyes really big and was studying me. There was a look in her eyes that I'd never seen before. They looked much older and wiser than her 11 short months. I don't know what it was all about, and it only lasted a minute, but I felt the greatest direct connection I've ever had with her--usually it's just me looking at her and sighing about how lovely she is while she's oblivious (and picking up dog hair to stick in her mouth). Again, there aren't other words to put to it, but I have the feeling that this journey to come is going to teach me a lot about really being a mother. I'll let you know when I know what that means...

Maybe something about licking more flowers. BTW, her onesie here says "mmm, boobies". How appropriate.

1 comment:

Kathy said...

Well your incoming comment wiped out the one I had ready to post to last night's comments...It somewhat fits with Jenny's thoughts that her breast cancer journey might teach her what being a mom is really about but mostly responds to a comments from last night. All parents worry a little about the genetic load they pass on to their children. However, the genetic load includes good as well as bad and the good gives our children their winning ways and brings us incredible joy, helping us prepare for the inevitable bad times that are just part of the picture. The world would be a lesser place without Olive, or Jenny or Ben. I know that from the heart.

Sorry to hear about the node biopsy results; not sorry that it's known and can be dealt with.

Grateful that you have each other, are thoughtful decision makers and are fortunate to have so many resources. Grateful too that you're willing to express your feelings, whatever they may be.

Wishing you strength and good humor--this is just the beginning and it's been a graceful beginning.
Love you...