July 27, 2010

2 days- Fight Like a Girl

Good day/bad day?: Great

The slogan above is from a shirt my coworkers gave me today--they had a good luck/support party for me this afternoon. I have to say I am incredibly lucky working where I do and being able to do the work I do with hospice. This place has been with me through some major life events--Mom's death, Olive's birth, and now this--and I just feel good walking in the door. That, and they've been incredibly generous to me, donating time off and now today providing an exorbitant amount in grocery gift cards... I will never know who to thank individually, so THANK YOU kind, wonderful people!

It really makes me wonder where this comes from, and I'm not saying this fishing for complements or anything. You know, I do try to be a nice person, but I really don't go out of my way like many people I know. You just wonder where this outpouring comes from, try to take it with gratitude and not take it for granted, and try to do more good when the opportunity comes. It's uplifting to see the good in people in a world that has seemed meaner and meaner lately--maybe I should stop paying attention to politics and the resurgence in overt racism!

I was also in a bit of a froth yesterday for a while and restrained myself, so it was good to have today to lift me up a little. I had a comment to the effect that maybe this cancer happened because I wasn't right with God, wasn't religious enough in the "right way"--at least that's how I had taken it at the time. So I was a little worked up. Then I've had plenty of religious and spiritual people counter that and cool my jets (even if they didn't know it!), so I'm good! Just to say, not because I need to defend anything I do but just to let people know where I'm at, I have a lot of spirituality in my life, but I have not and probably will not pursue being part of a church. I have meaning in my everyday and do my best to remind myself of the simple ways to live a life of integrity and respect. I falter as anyone does, but I am trying to not play the "Why me?" game with this. I've seen others writing about cancer say "Why not me?" That's the good thing about hypothetical questions...

We got the living room rearranged tonight and the recliner in place--let the falling asleep in front of the TV begin!

So, one more day of work, and then the real fun begins! I'm okay with it right now. Ask me again tomorrow.

8 comments:

Ben said...

Regarding spirituality:

N.A.!!!

ee said...

I just want to tell you that I am impressed with how well you've kept up with blogging! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. I wish you all the best with your surgery tomorrow. Love you, girl!

s.erdman said...

ARRRGH! There is an enormous difference between spiritual and religious...I feel sure you have to worry about that one. Those people need reminding that all sins have already been paid for - that little matter of the Crucifixion...thank God or I could be in really big trouble!

You are in our thoughts and we wish you a full & speedy recovery. It takes an amazing amount of courage to face this the way that you and Ben have. We are in awe!

s.erdman said...

Well, that is what I get for being annoyed at others. You know I meant I feel sure you DON'T have to worry about your spiritual self. It sounds to me like you've got it all together & your spiritual side is intact. Now I'm off to a keyboarding lessons:)

Elevation said...

as kathy posted on one of your previous blogs, you're handling this with such grace..we wish you the best of luck tomorrow, and a speedy recovery.. much love.. holli&jorl

Joiner of Fine Furniture said...

I will soon owe you a series of "first time" emails like Olive received during her first year.

Peace during your last day of waiting.

Sue said...

Best wishes Jenny and Ben - I echo all the sentiments in the previous comments. would that I would have that strength.

Jim said...

A firm believer in karma am I...