September 12, 2010

At the Movies

Good day/Bad day?: Eh, but not as bad as Sat.

I'm still trying to figure out how the weekends are going to go, since they've all been different. Friday was pretty typical now, with the few hour window after treatment to feel okay and then the waves of green. This Saturday, I just felt washed out more than I ever have--an empty husk of me--with some trouble with nausea overnight. I did manage to go to the zoo with Ben & Olive for a little while, and it was good to get out but then I was done. Today is still fatigue and aching.

This is supposed to be the time when I start to see the hair loss, but so far...nope. Then again, as I said before, my symptom timing seems to be much different because of the dosing of the clinical trial. It is still slightly possible I won't lose it, but it may just be happening later. I have to say I'm a little weirded out, because I've typically associated chemo with killing the rapidly-growing cells (the cancer, but also hair, lining of the GI tract). So does that mean my chemo isn't killing as much...?

Oh, I was going to give feedback about the movie In the Family. It was very emotional for me to watch, partially because of the age of the filmmaker and her sister, also listening to many people make their decisions about surveillance, surgery, children, etc. A little too much attention for my taste on her relationship with her boyfriend, but I understand the point. They play a little loose with the % risk numbers throughout the film, but they're usually right (occasionally high).

So, picky things aside, for anyone who is in this position with a possible or known mutation I think it's very valuable to watch. There is SO MUCH that goes into the decisions around the testing and the aftermath. I think that can't be underplayed and she captured it very well. The one really striking thing for me was watching what the parents kept saying to their children (those that have been through it and their spouses)--get tested and take the results seriously! It made me feel a lot of things personally, some good and some bad--it made me feel that my ovaries are still ticking away in me and are worrisome, that I want my family to see this, and that I'd secretly like to draw all their blood and just get the results once and for all--to be relieved or to start greater surveillance. But I know this is everyone's unique decision. Ugh. Why can't things be easy?

Enough angst for now. And enough whining. Time for bed.

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