March 7, 2011

Lame

Good day/Bad day?: alright

Sorry I've been so lame lately--being sick with cancer is even more boring than having cancer alone! Still have the deep chest cough. Had an acupuncture appt today, so hopefully that'll help get things moving. Olive's got another fever, too, and is sleepy and not eating much. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

I booked my spa getaway to Sundara for next week--next week?! I've got a sinus treatment/massage one day and a body massage the next, and then you get to do the whole bathing thing every day. I think Ben is also joining me for a night, too. AND, I found a boob-less swimsuit that I think is going to work well, so I'm excited to try it out.

I'm also in a little bit of a weird mood because I'm thinking more about the statement by my oncologist that if this type of cancer comes back, it's usually in the next 3-4 years. (That would also mean it's a fairly agressive cancer.) So I've just had some moments where I've thought about what it would be like to be dying at 38-40. Not easy to do--not because I haven't seen it and worked with it, but that's not the life plan I was on. I have to walk through the worst case and then dial it back because that's how I operate, but it's not what I thought I'd be contemplating at this age. Oh well, we keep moving forward...

2 comments:

Sue said...

moving forward is good and the spa sounds like a really good plan - i hope you have a wonderful couple of days.

Mia said...

You are fearless!

You made me think of a quote for which I no longer know the author..."What prepares you for death prepares you for life."
I have always thought for working in the field that we do we are a bunch of death denying WEENIES! We like to talk about the "good death" but tend to stay away from philosophical explorations of the topic. It is a coping mechanism that doesn't work, I think we lose out.

You must think about the what if's, you are young, have cancer and have seen this play out countless times in the worst case scenario. That is healthy coping. There is also an amazing movie called, "Departures", that I watched a few weeks ago. It's Japanese and explores death in such a beautiful thoughtful way and lends itself to tapping into the emotion and meaning of death in a positive way.

A wise hospice social worker once said..."We plan our funerals like young girls plan their weddings!" I think when we have our Bloody Mary date we should so some serious knee slapping funeral planning. I always get hung up on the music...How to fit in Bob Marley, John Cash and Bob Dylan? Plus of course I'm afraid Sam will want to add in some gawd awful rambling PHISH tune.

As always thanks for being you....