January 1, 2011

Happy New Year

Good day/Bad day?: Good

(Still coughing...) Welcome to 2011! We actually made it 'til midnight last night. So the easiest thing to say is that 2011 out to be better than 2010, because it would be hard to be worse. We are troopers, but this has been 6 months of trial for me, our family, and our friends who have been so generous with their help. There is a little bit left to go, but I think the major adjustments have passed, major procedures done, etc.

Of course, there has been lemonade made out of the lemons. As I've talked about before, people have been so openly giving and supporting of me and the family--it's a bit like the concept of attending your own funeral. I have a new appreciation of Ben in many ways, even as this has tested the true partnership of our marriage. I have a different appreciation of motherhood. I have strengthened bonds with so many of my family members and close friends as they have shown up for me and let me be vulnerable when I needed to be.

Of course, there have been losses, too. Physical changes and accomodations have been numerous, and by body image is very different (even as I have a new confidence in how I am now). I lost my dear grandma. I miss my mom in new ways and miss the conversations about this and many things that I will never get to have with her.

So what to make of 2011? I have to believe that all I have done has been the best I could do at the time, and that I have made smart decisions for me and my family. I have to believe that I can get stronger and more energetic as the year unfolds. I need to devote some healing time to myself and need to figure out ways to do this effectively. There will be more difficult decisions to come (ovaries, I'm talking to you!), maybe this year or within a few anyway. I look forward to getting back to normal, whatever that may mean anymore.

Things will get better. Things are not that bad.

Happy New Year!


1 comment:

mia said...

Thanks to you, Ben and Olive for letting us take this perilous ride with y'all. Looking out into 2011 I see sunshine, calm waters, bountiful gardens and healing for you. (rainbows and puppies too?)