Good day/bad day?: okay
It's just been a long week (even though it's a short week). Happy "Friday" to me. Tomorrow I have my first OT appt, and not a moment too soon, because I'm starting to get some swelling in my right arm. Grrr. But I increased my risk with the spa visit (hot tubs and saunas) and vigorous exercise, so I was pushing it.
Not sure what else I'll do with the day yet. Probably breakfast out, because that makes me happy. Otherwise, I really don't know what's going to feel right until I'm in it. I appreciate everyone that's said they'd be thinking about me tomorrow. I'll see what it feels like to come upon this anniversary now being a part of the club.
Welcome to the world, Vivienne! No doubt you'll be as fabulous as your parents...
Olive got the doorknob to her room to work. Oh boy, pretty soon nothing will be safe...
March 31, 2011
March 30, 2011
Worn out
Good day/bad day?: okay
Just wearing down. It's been a busy few weeks. I've just been plugging away and withdrawing a little--I've had a horrible time returning phone calls lately! Just too many things to juggle in my head right now, and it feels like I'm scheduled out for months. Oh wait, I will be! Guh. (That's my new written way to sigh today.)
So I'm looking forward to having Friday to myself, and working in more days off during radiation to keep me sane.
Favorite Olivism? Well, we've been teaching emotions. So far mad, sad, and happy. At meals, she cycles through them--mainly mad and happy. Very exaggerated expressions, and the happy is just "Hap!" with a big smile. It's good.
Kind of distracted because I'm waiting to hear about a little baby girl--c'mon out, baby Davis!
Just wearing down. It's been a busy few weeks. I've just been plugging away and withdrawing a little--I've had a horrible time returning phone calls lately! Just too many things to juggle in my head right now, and it feels like I'm scheduled out for months. Oh wait, I will be! Guh. (That's my new written way to sigh today.)
So I'm looking forward to having Friday to myself, and working in more days off during radiation to keep me sane.
Favorite Olivism? Well, we've been teaching emotions. So far mad, sad, and happy. At meals, she cycles through them--mainly mad and happy. Very exaggerated expressions, and the happy is just "Hap!" with a big smile. It's good.
Kind of distracted because I'm waiting to hear about a little baby girl--c'mon out, baby Davis!
March 28, 2011
Regrowth
Good day/Bad day?: Good
Hair's on its way back--with a vengeance. I've never been shy about growing hair, anyway. Can I say that I have slightly mixed feelings about it? Basically, it's been kind of my "badge" while I'm going through this. People tend to be a little kinder to me bald, and it's my public reminder of what I'm going through. Sometimes I need to use that extra level of understanding. Don't get me wrong, I'm getting kind of sick of looking at myself like this--I especially miss the eyebrows.
Survived Zumba tonight! It was pretty fun, even if I felt way less coordinated than I hoped I'd be. I'll try to keep at it, though, unless radiation takes a lot out of me. It feels good to sweat out some of the crap--a lot like having a good cry, for which I'm overdue and was on the brink of tonight. I'm in a little weird mood--not bad, just weird.
Hair's on its way back--with a vengeance. I've never been shy about growing hair, anyway. Can I say that I have slightly mixed feelings about it? Basically, it's been kind of my "badge" while I'm going through this. People tend to be a little kinder to me bald, and it's my public reminder of what I'm going through. Sometimes I need to use that extra level of understanding. Don't get me wrong, I'm getting kind of sick of looking at myself like this--I especially miss the eyebrows.
Survived Zumba tonight! It was pretty fun, even if I felt way less coordinated than I hoped I'd be. I'll try to keep at it, though, unless radiation takes a lot out of me. It feels good to sweat out some of the crap--a lot like having a good cry, for which I'm overdue and was on the brink of tonight. I'm in a little weird mood--not bad, just weird.
I have been told to liven this place up with some photos, so here's a start:
Last chemo, just after the PICC came out. Look at that smooth head. It's already got about 100 times more hair on it now.
Olive and daddy stylin' it up with some hats.
This may be Olive's first documented "dress up." Luckily no makeup was involved.
Last chemo, just after the PICC came out. Look at that smooth head. It's already got about 100 times more hair on it now.
Olive and daddy stylin' it up with some hats.
This may be Olive's first documented "dress up." Luckily no makeup was involved.
March 27, 2011
Wholesome family fun!
Good day/Bad day?: Good
It's been a good weekend all around, even if my back's killing me! Saturday was breakfast with my dear friend Jolene, who I've missed working with a lot--thank you again! Then, hanging out with Olive the rest of the day while Ben was out, and Julie joined in the evening to help out and hang out & watch a movie. We had gotten so used to hanging out with all the appts/chemo she accompanied me to that I think we just forget to schedule things. Before you know it, it's been a couple of weeks since we've seen each other! She stuck around to watch a movie with Ben & me--good low-key Sat night. Then today was...
...lambing! We went out to a farm south of Madison to catch the last weekend of lambing there and take Olive out to see the animals. It was packed, but fun. She alternated betweeen being a little afraid and being fascinated, and she was all smiles when we left. Good outing before nap time! Then homebody stuff the rest of the evening.
We'll see what this coming week brings...first, trying my first Zumba class on Monday, OT on Friday, busy work week, then the week after that is my first consult with gynecological oncology to talk about my ovarian cancer risk (fun!). And this Friday is the 5 year anniversary of my mom's death. Wow, 5 years. That first year was very long and hard, and the rest has flown by. I was on the fence about taking off that day, but I think I will and decide how to commemorate that in my own way...
It's been a good weekend all around, even if my back's killing me! Saturday was breakfast with my dear friend Jolene, who I've missed working with a lot--thank you again! Then, hanging out with Olive the rest of the day while Ben was out, and Julie joined in the evening to help out and hang out & watch a movie. We had gotten so used to hanging out with all the appts/chemo she accompanied me to that I think we just forget to schedule things. Before you know it, it's been a couple of weeks since we've seen each other! She stuck around to watch a movie with Ben & me--good low-key Sat night. Then today was...
...lambing! We went out to a farm south of Madison to catch the last weekend of lambing there and take Olive out to see the animals. It was packed, but fun. She alternated betweeen being a little afraid and being fascinated, and she was all smiles when we left. Good outing before nap time! Then homebody stuff the rest of the evening.
We'll see what this coming week brings...first, trying my first Zumba class on Monday, OT on Friday, busy work week, then the week after that is my first consult with gynecological oncology to talk about my ovarian cancer risk (fun!). And this Friday is the 5 year anniversary of my mom's death. Wow, 5 years. That first year was very long and hard, and the rest has flown by. I was on the fence about taking off that day, but I think I will and decide how to commemorate that in my own way...
March 24, 2011
Expectations
Good day/Bad day?: Pretty good
Still kind of in my funk, though. Yesterday really did me in--just have a lot on my mind, and then I had an evening where I could do no right with Olive. Lots of screaming. At least Ben had some luck. A little demoralizing, even if I know it wasn't personal. Tonight was much better--we even had a smiley diaper change.
I'm trying not to get ahead of myself with expecting bad side effects. Not always easy to do! This is one time when knowledge isn't always power, or I know just enough to be dangerous... As much as they can tell me that a lot of the side effects are rare, it doesn't help that I've seen some extreme examples of them in my work. And I also know that many of the women receiving radiation have only had lumpectomy--they still have breast tissue as a protective layer to nourish the skin as it's getting hit, and I don't have that. I'm expecting I could wind up with some bad peeling, burning, itching, and maybe weeping/blistering. Yeah, it's not life or death, but it's quality of life...
I'm still working through a lot of coordinating and scheduling with all these appts and work. This whole time I'd said to myself that I'd take days off just to rest and take care of myself, and I haven't really done it. I'm going to try to start for the next couple of months. We'll see--at least I'll do it until I run out of time off. That, plus working in daily radiation, OT/PT (not sure of frequency yet, but I have my first appt next week), trying to still have acupuncture, maybe the dentist, also want to start a Zumba class with a friend to get more active...oh yeah, and I should probably still work, be a good wife and mother, etc., etc. But it's not like most people I know aren't leading lives like this, too.
Olive's word? Today, I'll go with "boots". But really my favorite thing right now is a little song she sings to herself while she dances. See, we have the complete Pee-Wee's Playhouse series on DVD. She's maybe seen half a dozen episodes, and now she's obsessed. So everyday now she pulls out the 2 box sets, says "Pee-Pee" repeatedly, and dances and sings her version of the theme song. It's pretty awesome, and freakin' adorable. Just don't try to take the DVDs away from her until she's good & ready.
Still kind of in my funk, though. Yesterday really did me in--just have a lot on my mind, and then I had an evening where I could do no right with Olive. Lots of screaming. At least Ben had some luck. A little demoralizing, even if I know it wasn't personal. Tonight was much better--we even had a smiley diaper change.
I'm trying not to get ahead of myself with expecting bad side effects. Not always easy to do! This is one time when knowledge isn't always power, or I know just enough to be dangerous... As much as they can tell me that a lot of the side effects are rare, it doesn't help that I've seen some extreme examples of them in my work. And I also know that many of the women receiving radiation have only had lumpectomy--they still have breast tissue as a protective layer to nourish the skin as it's getting hit, and I don't have that. I'm expecting I could wind up with some bad peeling, burning, itching, and maybe weeping/blistering. Yeah, it's not life or death, but it's quality of life...
I'm still working through a lot of coordinating and scheduling with all these appts and work. This whole time I'd said to myself that I'd take days off just to rest and take care of myself, and I haven't really done it. I'm going to try to start for the next couple of months. We'll see--at least I'll do it until I run out of time off. That, plus working in daily radiation, OT/PT (not sure of frequency yet, but I have my first appt next week), trying to still have acupuncture, maybe the dentist, also want to start a Zumba class with a friend to get more active...oh yeah, and I should probably still work, be a good wife and mother, etc., etc. But it's not like most people I know aren't leading lives like this, too.
Olive's word? Today, I'll go with "boots". But really my favorite thing right now is a little song she sings to herself while she dances. See, we have the complete Pee-Wee's Playhouse series on DVD. She's maybe seen half a dozen episodes, and now she's obsessed. So everyday now she pulls out the 2 box sets, says "Pee-Pee" repeatedly, and dances and sings her version of the theme song. It's pretty awesome, and freakin' adorable. Just don't try to take the DVDs away from her until she's good & ready.
March 22, 2011
Game Plan
Good day/bad day?: eh
Just wanted to update you after the radiation oncology visit. Today was another visit with the radiation onc MD, a CT scan to map out my chest, also got my tattoo markers. Dang, tattoos hurt on your sternum! They're extremely tiny, and there's 4 of them.
It will take about a week and a half to get the plan done for my treatments--they take time looking at my anatomy from the CT, figure out the best angle to aim the beams, determine dosing, etc. The MD said they'd "obsess" about my plan because I'm young and they want to minimize the extra tissue exposed to minimize the long-term effects. I'm fine with that kind of obsession!
Tuesday, April 5th will be the first day of treatment. That appt will be longer, about 1.5 hrs, and then the rest will be about 30 min. I'll see the MD every Wednesday. 6 1/2 weeks. Today's appt hurt a lot having my arm above my head, and that next appt will be worse, but I'll also be getting PT & OT referrals and will hope to start that around the same time.
I know it shouldn't be a big deal after all that's happened so far, but it just felt more dehumanizing today to be marked permanently, positioned strangely on the table and run in & out of the machine. I am just not feeling strong and am in a bit of a funk. I'll get over it.
Olive's word? She kept saying "dote" and pointing at the fridge at dinner and I had no clue, until she said it and the "pop" she makes for the toaster. That would be "toast", Mom!
Just wanted to update you after the radiation oncology visit. Today was another visit with the radiation onc MD, a CT scan to map out my chest, also got my tattoo markers. Dang, tattoos hurt on your sternum! They're extremely tiny, and there's 4 of them.
It will take about a week and a half to get the plan done for my treatments--they take time looking at my anatomy from the CT, figure out the best angle to aim the beams, determine dosing, etc. The MD said they'd "obsess" about my plan because I'm young and they want to minimize the extra tissue exposed to minimize the long-term effects. I'm fine with that kind of obsession!
Tuesday, April 5th will be the first day of treatment. That appt will be longer, about 1.5 hrs, and then the rest will be about 30 min. I'll see the MD every Wednesday. 6 1/2 weeks. Today's appt hurt a lot having my arm above my head, and that next appt will be worse, but I'll also be getting PT & OT referrals and will hope to start that around the same time.
I know it shouldn't be a big deal after all that's happened so far, but it just felt more dehumanizing today to be marked permanently, positioned strangely on the table and run in & out of the machine. I am just not feeling strong and am in a bit of a funk. I'll get over it.
Olive's word? She kept saying "dote" and pointing at the fridge at dinner and I had no clue, until she said it and the "pop" she makes for the toaster. That would be "toast", Mom!
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