Olive: Miss T. R. Ubble got back to walking without holding on a week after the cast was off, and is now trying to "run" (fast walking) and doing stairs. She still has a limp at times, wears a brace similar to her cast at night and is being a very good sport about that. With walking comes the re-discovery that she can make everything take 5 times longer than normal if she keeps moving. Also, she feels like hitting, which brings us to her her first time-outs. The other day I just felt like asking her why she hit me, and she answered "I'm sassy." Yes. Yes you are. But even tonight was better--I think she just needed to retest her boundaries.
Whatever spell you need to cast, my darling-- suddenly I want to give you cookies for every meal, let you drive the car, move back bedtime a few hours...
Me: Oh, it's been action-packed, alright! Had a nice long weekend enjoying the fall colors with Monica (thankyouthankyou). We had all these grand plans of staying up late and acting like 20-yr-olds, and then we wound up going to bed early every night. But it was very relaxing (aside from the 15-mile hike, but that wound up being good, too...). Thanks to Kathy & Bruce for letting me get away and giving Ben a break, too! Then medical oncology appt yesterday afternoon, which was fine--I made her walk through a hypothetical recurrence since that's where my mind jumps sometimes... Then last night Julie took me to see Wilco--great show, nice dinner with friends before. And then next week I have my next round of ovarian cancer screening (every 6 months), and then some OT to get back on top of my arm swelling, and then a cancer conference... And then I am taking tomorrow off.
Which brings me to my "cleaning house" time. For one, I am going to try therapy. I am equipped to know myself pretty well, but not enough to be able to break out of my own thought patterns and give myself a whole new perspective. This has been a lot to process, if I may take a moment to make you say "duh". And then we come to my office. I think I've 'fessed up here before about its state of disarray, and the fact that it been like that for years. I'm coming to the realization that if I hadn't allowed myself to have that space of chaos the last 5-ish years, there is likely no way I could have kept the rest of my life orderly enough to keep functioning . There have been a few losses of very important people to me and enough other major life events to keep me scrambling, and then throw in the cancer and you have a literal mess. And a mess I haven't had the strength to deal with, because that also means getting rid of/letting go of some things, ascribing meaning to a lot of things... That takes a lot of psychic energy.
We'll see how far I get tomorrow.
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