June 25, 2014

Cancerversary #4: Stop & savor

Four years.  Goes by in a flash, even in some ways it seems like yesterday, sitting in my new office (just transferred to a new position at work) on a Friday afternoon.  Got the call from the Breast Center NP and she gave me the results over the phone, invasive ductal carcinoma.  I still have the piece of paper upon which I wrote it.

My goal when I started the long year of treatment was to buy enough time to see Olive go off to kindergarten.  I may cry like a baby tomorrow at her 4-K Graduation.  Or I may save the crying for tomorrow night when I have some alone time...

Last year, I did a lot (3 long posts worth!) of reflection, and I am certainly not doing 4 this year.  Last year was full of reflection necessitated once again by Big Life Change.  I had to shift entirely, realign my compass, and ask myself what I truly want.  I don't know if I'll ever successfully answer that, but I do know that I feel a lot more ownership of my life than I have the last 4 years.  The lease on life was up, so I went in and purchased it instead.  Corny metaphor-I'm making myself groan--but I think that's what this last year did for me.

I haven't set the next goal yet.  Unfortunately, it looks like it will be more mundane things like getting the roof replaced and thinking about upgrading my car.

Actually, I guess that's not true.  I was thinking about it earlier today, and I kept feeling disbelief that another year had happened so quickly.  So the short-term goal is... SLOW DOWN.  I was so focused on rushing to a point where I would maybe feel okay--I just wanted to get there, wherever it was.  I have been in a frenzy of seeing people every spare day I've had and wanting to spend time with the people who have brought me support and love and joy in this process.  So. Much. Love.

And this is my goal:

Not holding back when it comes to Miss O
I don't know what else to say about this year, except more of them are good and I am lucky to have them.

1 comment:

harada57 said...
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